


Sacrifices

by Sheheryar_Shahid



Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Because we all know Merlin was never in the wrong, Gen, Merlin rants, Merlin's Magic Revealed (Merlin), cause im a sucker for happy endings, so he never needed to apologize
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-04
Updated: 2020-05-06
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:07:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,386
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24002578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sheheryar_Shahid/pseuds/Sheheryar_Shahid
Summary: After being accused of trying to poison Arthur because he is a sorcerer, Merlin rants to all the complete idiots around him about how much he invested in keeping Arthur alive and DID NOT apologize because he was always in the right and did not need to.
Relationships: Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)
Comments: 143
Kudos: 766





	1. Chapter 1

Just as he was about to reach for the bread, a hand shot out, grabbing his arm and stopping him from eating the snack Merlin had brought.

“Wait, Sire” Sir Leon seemed hesitant to say whatever was on his mind. “In light of recent revelations, don’t you think it would be wise to have that food tasted before you eat it?”

From behind Arthur, Merlin’s head snapped toward the knight. It took Arthur a few moments to comprehend what Leon was implying. And then it clicked and he was sent back to that fateful day when everything changed.

They had been on a regular patrol when bandits had poured out from all around them and the King, his manservant, and the Knights of the Roundtable shot up to defend themselves.

After what felt like hours but was probably mere minutes, the majority of the bandits lay dead on the ground while the rest fled into the trees.

As soon as Arthur had sheathed his sword, he heard a rustling behind him and only had time to close his eyes as he heard his knights yell warnings and he braced himself for the blow that was surely coming.

But it never did.

Arthur turned around to find the bandit that had come running out of the bushes frozen with his sword in the air, about to come down onto Arthur’s neck but stopped by an invisible force.

Arthur, confused, turns around… and froze.

Merlin stood still, hand outstretched and eyes blazing gold. A look of fierce determination covered his face but anyone who knew him well enough could see the underlying fear he was trying desperately to hide. He flicked his wrist and the bandit flew through the air into a nearby tree and the sound of bones cracking could be heard by all who stood stock still in the clearing.

Arthur knew he should take action. His knights were all waiting for his command and he knew he should have Merlin killed or, at the very least, restrained.

But he was tired. All the energy had left his body as he stared at the raven-haired man who wouldn’t even meet his eyes. Everyone he cared about had left him. His mother and father were dead. Lancelot was dead. Morgana had betrayed him. His uncle had betrayed him. Even Lancelot and Guinevere had betrayed him. And now… now his best and most loyal friend had betrayed him.

“Why?” he hated how worn out his voice sounded.

Still not meeting his eyes, Merlin replied “I was born this way.”

Arthur didn’t understand and he didn’t have the energy to deal with it just then. So he just ordered the patrol to return to the castle. Some of his knights looked shocked while others looked as weary as he felt, but they all obeyed.

And, for the first time since they had met, Merlin rode at the back of the group instead of next to Arthur.

Even upon arriving home, Arthur had not found it in himself to do anything about the revelation of Merlin’s magic. The journey back had been tense to say the least and all the knights had kept a sharp eye on Merlin at all times, except Gwaine, who mostly looked betrayed and heartbroken and had been unusually quiet and unopinianated the whole time.  
And for one whole day, everyone pretended that nothing had happened for Arthur’s sake. Merlin didn’t speak to Arthur at all for that day and for once didn’t complain about the amount of chores he had been given. A guard was placed inside Arthur’s room with instructions to keep an eye on Merlin by the knights. 

But still – they pretended.

Until now. A day later and at a regular council meeting.

Arthur snapped back to the present with the sharp “what?” aimed at Leon.

Something bubbled inside Arthur. An emotion he hadn’t had the energy to feel until now rose to the surface. Merlin had turned an expectant gaze on Arthur, waiting for him to rebuff Leon’s statement and Arthur felt angry. The anger was slowly rising. Gradually taking up all the available space in Arthur. There was heartbreak and betrayal too but the anger drove them back. What right did Merlin have to expect anything from him after what he had done?

“You’re right, Sir Leon”, Arthur put on his best arrogant, untouchable King of Camelot front.

“You”, he said, snapping his fingers at Merlin, who had turned a disbelieving stare on Arthur. “Why don’t you taste this in front of the entire court? Just to be sure, hmm?”

The entire council looked shocked. Be it the knights who knew of Merlin’s magic or the nobles who didn’t. They knew how close Arthur and merlin were and were stunned by the accusation. As Arthur watched, the disbelief on Merlin’s face was replaced by anger.

“You think”, he said, gritting his teeth and looking like it was taking all of his restraint to keep his voice at an acceptable volume, “that I poisoned you food?”

And despite the unease forming in his stomach from Merlin’s behavior, Arthur kept up his impassive façade, only raising an eyebrow in answer.

Merlin looked thunderous. “Do you really think that after everything I have done for you, after years of keeping you alive, that I would poison you?!” a hysterical laugh bubbled out of him.

The unease grew but Arthur did not give into it. Eyebrow still in place, he asked’ “you think trailing after me like a lapdog for years exempts you from the law?” He felt sick asking this. Because he knows Merlin had been so much more. He had been a friend, consul, and his one constant companion on the road it took to get where he is now. But he doesn’t say any of that now. Instead, he stares back flatly as Merlin’s eyes grow colder than he’s ever seen them.

“Don’t. You. Dare.” Every word was like a shard of ice aimed at Arthur. “You have no idea what I have done for you. Do you honestly think any of the magical creatures you faced in the last ten years were killed by you poking your little metal sticks at them? Do you think all those bandits tripping over themselves and getting caught under falling branches were coincidence? Do you think surviving all those fatal wounds and diseases was all luck? Who am I kidding? You even woke up from the bite of a questing beast, which always proved fatal before, and didn’t even stop to question how?!

“What about all those enemies that seemed to just disappear into thin air, hmm? Did you think about why every assassin meant to murder you ended up dead or captured without anyone raising a finger? Did you think Nimueh just gave up one day? Did you think the Knights of Medhir disappeared all on their own? And did you really think you were able to defeat not one but two immortal armies? Did any of you ever stop to question why they just turned to dust for no reason?

“Did you really think Morgana would have sacrificed Morgause if she wasn’t already dying? Did you really think you were able to defeat a dragon by stabbing him with a sword?!” Merlin seemed almost hysterical at this point but took a deep breath to compose himself before continuing, “And that’s just skimming the surface.” 

To say the people in the council room were shocked would be a gross understatement. Every jaw seemed to be trying it’s hardest to reach the floor and every pair of eyes appeared to want escape their sockets with how much they were bulging out of them. Not one muscle moved as Merlin drew slowly closer to the King during his rant.

As for Arthur… he didn’t know what to think. He didn’t want to accept what Merlin was implying. He didn’t want to believe that his clumsy fool of a manservant was behind his every achievement in the past decade. That he had actually done none of what he believed made him worthy of Camelot’s throne.

Which was why, heartbeat pounding in his ears, he asked, “and we’re supposed to take the word of a filthy sorcerer for all these claims?”

Several people who hadn’t been privy to that particular revelation stood up in shock, fear, and outrage.

Merlin, for his part, looked like he had been slapped. He took a step back, looking like his entire world had shattered in front of him. He stared at Arthur like he didn’t recognize him anymore. And that utterly broken look gave fuel to the guilt steadily growing inside Arthur even more than his next words did.

“You have no idea what I have lost for you.” His voice was quiet and rough this time, something akin to grief overpowering his anger for now. “Do you know what I’m called? Emrys. The immortal warlock. The most powerful sorcerer to ever walk the Earth. Magic incarnate. Lord of all magical beings. The last Dragon lord. Leader of the druids. Master of Life and Death. High priest of the Old Religion.” He said all this with a mocking tone, a wry, tired smirk on his face as the people around him grew more and more fearful and disbelieving, looking ready to bolt but so captivated they could not move a muscle.

“I gave up all that: recognition, power, wealth, dignity, just so I could serve your wine and polish your armor. I lost my innocence and so much of my humanity just so you could sit here today. Not to mention the people I lost on the way.”

His eyes welled up at the whispered statement, sounding as if he was fighting to get the words out.

“My best friend since childhood died protecting you”, he jabbed a finger at Arthur’s chest.

“My only friend who knew my truth; my one confidant and support in this mess of a life sacrificed himself for you so I wouldn’t have to.” Another jab.

“My father was killed after you coaxed him out of hiding to save Camelot from your father’s mistakes.” Two jabs.

“And you killed”, his voice broke, the tears he so valiantly tried to hold back streaming down his cheeks, “the only woman I ever loved and made me clean her blood from your sword.”

Arthur felt like he had been punched in the gut. He couldn’t believe those words. He didn’t want to believe those words. What sacrifice? What father? What woman?! He didn’t want to believe he could do that to the man he considered a brother in all but blood but the guilt eating away at him only grew, as if it knew better.

Merlin straightened, pushing his shoulders back, and wiping away his tears.

“Whatever else you do Arthur, never question my loyalty. I have given too much in its name.”

And with that, Merlin walked out, leaving behind a room full of completely flabbergasted and petrified council members shaking in their boots and a King consumed by guilt - whose entire belief system had been shattered along with his heart - on the verge of tears.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Merlin's not taking any bull and lays down his terms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So this was originally just meant to be a one shot but with the amazing responses I got from everyone (seriously, thank you so much I was squealing half the night reading your comments) I decided to give a follow up a go and this just... came out? literally in one sitting.

There was screaming. All around him, there was screaming. But it seemed dull. In the background. As if it was miles away. Underwater. Nothing really registered. Not that he was trying too hard to understand. There was already too much of a mess inside his head. Thoughts jumbling and staggering, fighting for dominance until there was nothing but a mess of limbs. Every thought fighting but none winning. No coherent thought forming. He was stuck in a mental state of limbo.

What he did know was that he needed something. He needed… what did he need? Closure? No- no it was… it was too soon for that. Answers? But to what questions? He had none. He knew he should but they just wouldn’t come to him. He would panic if he knew what that meant at the moment. He would get frustrated if he knew what to get frustrated over.

He needed something. What- he didn’t know. But… he knew where to get it!

Merlin.

But Merlin had walked out.

And, just like that, everything snapped into focus like a rubber band stretched too thin finally returning to its original state of being. Only one thought registered: Merlin.

Ignoring the outraged squawking of the noble council members and the righteous arguing of the knights, Arthur stood up and he ran. He ran from the throne room with no idea where he was running to; just whom.

And, like that, fate smiled upon him (or more like crashed into him) in the form of a dark-skinned beauty.

“Arthur!” Guinevere exclaimed, a concerned frown twisting her usually calm, beautiful features. “Why did I just see Merlin stalking towards the ramparts with tears in his eyes? Is everything alri-?”

Not waiting to let her finish, Arthur ran past her with renewed vigor. The ramparts! He reached his goal within seconds, easily spotting Merlin, who had his back to him.

And now he paused. For some reason, he felt vulnerable. He felt the need to protect himself. He could not take another verbal bashing like he had minutes (minutes? It felt like lifetimes) ago. So he took a minute to build up a shield. He forced an impassive look on his face, set his shoulders back and hid behind the King of Camelot. He took a deep breath, stepped forward, and-

“I’m leaving”

And just like that the shield crumbled, the King of Camelot thrown aside. Then again, he shouldn’t be surprised. Merlin had never held proper deference for titles. He had always barreled right through that particular shield like he didn’t realize it was there. Knowing him, he probably didn’t.

“What?” he asked dumbly.

Merlin turned around and Arthur braced himself for anger, hurt, betrayal, anything! But it never came. Instead, Merlin’s entire posture sagged. His entire being seemed to represent someone who had been hit much too hard by life far too many times. His tired, wise eyes seemed out of place on his healthy, youthful face.

“If you don’t repeal the ban on magic, I’m leaving.” His tone seemed even more worn out then his appearance.

“Where?” Arthur didn’t seem capable of moving past monosyllabic at the moment.

“I don’t know.” Merlin sighed, “Just… away.”

“But… what about your life here?” Arthur finally managed to force out a full sentence.

“You still don’t get it, do you?” Merlin's tone grew impossibly wearier. “I don’t have a life, Arthur. I invested everything into making sure you had a good one. Didn’t you ever realize I had no hobbies, no separate friends? Didn’t you notice I never courted a girl in all this time? I gave up my time to make sure you had more of it. I gave up my companions so you could have your knights. I gave up my friend so you could have you queen. I gave up my birthright so you could have yours.”

Even though he felt it was not Merlin’s intention, his words and completely spent demeanor drowned Arthur in endless waves of guilt even though he couldn’t comprehend half of what was being said. Birthright?

But looking at the man in front of him now, all Arthur could think about were those small smiles and wide grins and awful jokes and made up names and constant companionship that he had taken for granted in the worst way possible and knew- he just knew- that he could not lose Merlin.

“Merlin” he began, “You are the greatest friend I have. You have provided me with constant consul and support and unwavering loyalty throughout our time together and I cannot lose you.”

His tone grew desperate as Merlin’s face remained unchanging throughout his declaration. “I’ll grant you a pardon. You can practice magic as you wish. No one will stop you. Just… stay. Okay? You have been my rock these past few years. When my father died, you stayed up all night with me an-“

“And when mine died you told me he wasn’t worth my tears” Merlin interrupted, his voice unnaturally cold. Upon noticing Arthur’s flinch, however, the anger drained out of him as quickly as it had come.

“I- I’m sorry” he stammered, his face scrunched up in frustration. “That was unnecessary. But you still don’t understand Arthur. I don’t want freedom for myself. I want freedom for everyone! That was my birthright! I am meant to free all magical beings from persecution. Yet I have ignored that for you. I could have changed you mind about magic so many time: when the Disr gave you a choice, when Morgana got her powers. When Morgause told you the truth about your birth. When-“

“Wait- What?!” Arthur felt a spark of red underneath the ocean of guilt. “Morgause was telling the truth?!”

At Merlin’s silent nod, Arthur’s anger grew. “You lied!” he accused

“Because you wouldn’t have been able to live with yourself if you had killed the only family you had left!” Arthur’s rage dissipates as Merlin raised his voice for the first time since they had climbed up here. ‘Don’t you see?! You would have blamed your father. Accepted magic and everyone would have been happy! My destiny would be complete!”

Now Merlin turned around, taking a deep breath and pressing his knuckles to his forehead in an effort to calm himself.

When he succeeded, he continued, “But I cared too much for you to let that happen. Time and time again I put you above my entire kind but I can’t do that, Arthur. Not anymore. So, I’m taking a stand. For the first time in forever, (I did not mean that. This was unintentional. Stop. For the love of God, don’t sing) I’m standing up for myself and my people.

Arthur seemed to be having an out of body experience. He was looking for a way out of this situation where he got everything he wanted: his citizens safe from the corruption of magic and Merlin still at his side. As much as he tried to hold them back, he could feel the tears of helplessness fill his eyes.

“How can you expect me to allow such a malicious power on my people?” He was surprised Merlin heard him with how quietly he whispered the words.

Though still frustrated, Merlin’s eyes seem to grow gentler at his question.

“Try to see sense, Arthur. When has the law ever stopped bad people from committing bad deeds? I’m not asking you to let every mad sorcerer run free but the fact is they will cause mischief no matter what you do. At least way, the innocent people won’t get caught in the crossfire. At least this way, you won’t be the villain on the other side of history.”

“What?” Arthur croaked, attention snapping up at ‘villain’.

Merlin’s eyes seem to melt on seeing Arthur’s distress, showering him compassion and love after so long, Arthur almost let the tears run free.

“Do you know who you are to magic users across Albion, Arthur?” Merlin’s voice grew even softer, almost haunting. “Do you who you and your father have been to them for almost three decades? You are the boogeyman. You are what they see in their most frightful nightmares. You are who they tell horror stories about around campfires. You are what they admonish their children with. ‘Eat your vegetables and go to sleep or else King Arthur and his knights might come and snatch you up!’ The twisted faces those innocent, scared, hidden children see in the shadows at night as they lay alone in their rooms wear golden crowns on their heads, Arthur. The monsters under their beds wear red cloaks.”

Arthur felt his heart break with every word Merlin spoke. His throat close up with every scenario he laid out until he couldn’t breathe and he didn’t even realize until a warm, comforting hand came to rest on his shoulder, gentle eyes seeking out his own.

“Hey” he breathed, voice as soft as the feathers in Arthur’s pillows. “It’s okay. Easy now, breathe.”

Slowly, with synchronizing breaths, they both managed to calm down, Merlin’s hand never leaving Arthur’s shoulder.

“Despite what it may feel like, I am not trying to guilt-trip you. I don’t want you to do this because you feel bad. I’m doing this- I’m fighting for this- because your people- all of your people- deserve to get to know their wonderful king with a heart of gold and a thick skull. I’m doing this because for once, I need to stand up for me and my people. I’m doing this because you’re my friend and I don’t want to lose you.”

By now, at the end of his speech, a small, shy, gentle smile had graced Merlin’s features, full of love, understanding, and fierce determination.

Arthur realized how much he had missed that smile. That smile that seemed to light up rooms full of cobwebs. That smile that seemed to turn clotpole princes into worthy kings. That smile that left you feeling warm and content and… happy.

And now his thoughts turned to all those people that Merlin had talked about. Who never got to feel this way because they were too worried about the next witchfinder to come to town. The next bounty hunter they would come by. The next knight in red who would ride by on patrol, sworn to protect them, yet ultimately their doom. Those people who never learned to smile. Those children who never tasted freedom even living in open fields under stretching skies.

He felt shame like a bucket of ice cold water dumped on his head, leaving him breathless, cold, shivering, and inexplicably exposed. Those were his people. Living in his kingdom, under his rule. He had made them feel that way. He grabbed Merlin and pulled him into a tight embrace, desperate for his warmth to chase away the awful, icy feeling away.

And though he knew that, soon enough, the doubts and the questions would start creeping in which would make him overthink and question everything until his blue-eyed, raven-haired manservant, warlock, friend- his very own guardian angel- would chase them away with sudden bouts of wisdom and some well-aimed insults, it was with those people in mid that he whispered in Merlin’s ear “Okay.”

Merlin drew back, something flickering in his eyes like a newborn firefly in the night: Hope.

“Okay?” He asked in the same hushed tone, trying to in vain keep his crumbling walls up to keep all the emotions running wild reigned in case this all came crashing down.

“Okay.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As I've said, this is my first ever work and the response I've gotten is unbelievable!!! Thank You so much for reading. Let me know what you think. :)


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I don't really know...??? I'm not entirely happy with how it turned out either but it just felt wrong to force more on it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okaayyyyy... please don't hate me.
> 
> I know a lot of you wanted a lot more than this but I've been sitting here and it just doesn't feel right adding anything more. I mean, I know a lot of things are left open-ended like the council and the public and Morgana and I might write a separate fic to cover all that but for now, I think this fic has served its purpose. Thank you so much for all the amazing comments and reviews you've given me :)

Every sorcerer throughout the five kingdoms felt it. A  _ jolt  _ ran through them all at the same time. Those in a deep slumber snapped into awareness. Those awake stopped whatever meaningless task held their attention a moment ago. They all felt it. They didn’t know how or when or why but they all felt it. A change in the air. Everything around them seemed brighter. The green of the trees seemed happier. The air seemed fresher. The world seemed to let out sigh of satisfaction.

Every person in prophesized kingdom with a sliver in magic felt the feeling of utter joy bloom in the very pits of their stomachs. It felt like the last piece of a puzzle had settled perfectly in its place to create the most beautiful picture. The world just seemed more…  _ right _ . A dragon let out a mighty roar that people would swear could be heard across all the lands.

And they knew. In the very depths of their hearts, they knew.

The time of Albion was upon them.

* * *

  
  
  


Inside the throne room of the Kingdom the Camelot, deathly silence ensued when utter chaos had reigned mere moments ago. 

The King of Camelot had swiftly exited the room with his ever present manservant in tow after making his declaration. Those who heard it would later swear a mighty clap of thunder in the clear, bright, sunny sky accompanied that statement.

For that was what it was. A statement. Not a question. Not a suggestion. A statement. A fact. Leaving no room for argument.

_ “I have decided to rescind the ban on magic. I will be discussing the technicalities of the matter in detail later on.” _

And then he had just left!

Not even stopping to appreciate the gaping mouths and bulging mouths they had left behind, the King and his manservant had all but run to his chambers with orders not to be disturbed until the next day.

On the way they had grabbed and forcefully dragged with them a number of people whose identities didn't surprise many who learned them.

And now the King of Camelot, his queen, and the honorable Sirs Leon, Gwaine, Percival, and Elyan sat at the King's table and listened as their warlock friend spun his tale.

A tale full of unbelievable heroics that not even the most talented bard could think up.

A tale full of such crushing despair it could bring the stone-hearted Uther Pendragon to his knees.

A tale full of unimaginable struggle.

A tale filled with the purest of joys.

And the darkest of sorrows.

A tale which those present struggled to relate with the ever smiling young man they had grown to love in the last decade.

A tale which slowly but surely broke each of their hearts as they listened to all that their friend- who had saved their lives, picked them up from their lowest, shouldered their most unbearable burdens, and tried his utmost to keep them safe and happy no matter what it cost him- had had to struggle under alone all these years.

A tale which showed how a single man- powerful but still a man- so utterly human- had given up all that he had so those around him could have a better, brighter, happier future.

And when that tale ended, not a single dry eye remained in the mess of limbs sprawled on the floor of the royal chambers in an effort to seek comfort from one another.

When that tale ended, a man who had been condemned since the moment he took his first breath finally learned peace.

**Author's Note:**

> This is the first written work of any kind that I have put out anywhere sooo... hope you like it and comments would be appreciated. :)


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